We’ve all been stuck with pointless exercise machines that we ordered half asleep while watching their 2-hour infomercial. So let’s check out the dumbest and most hilarious products we’ve seen yet!
20. Eight Minute Anything
In the 80’s, an infomercial proclaimed you could get a “six pack” by simply doing an eight-minute workout. Despite this blatant falsehood, the 8-minute fantasy workout persists even into the present day, where it has been joined by 8-minute buns and 8-minute thighs.
19. Toning Shoes
Remember when shoe companies tried convincing women they should walk around wearing shoes with curved soles, which would build leg muscle and stamina? There was no truth that Sketcher Shape-Ups and similar shoes had any benefit at all. In fact they could actually damage your legs.
18. Ab Circle Pro
Ab machines are by far the most popular machines on the market. The Ab Circle Pro is backed by some lower-profile or former celebrities. It consists of sliding back and forth on your knees on a chair, which sounds fun. It’s probably dangerous and certainly not about to help you tone your abs or lose weight.
17. Sauna Suits
Yes, really: just don these plastic garbage bags and the pounds will simply melt right off. If this were true, everyone who lived in a tropical climate would be skinny. The problem with sweating it off is that all the water weight you lose comes back when you eat and drink.
16. Power Balance Bracelets
Power Balance Bracelets claimed to improve your strength, power and flexibility. Of course no such magical bracelet exists. Power Balance Bracelets were like Fitbits with no technology. In other words, merely decorative.
15. Thigh Master
Suzanne Somers made so much money off of Thigh Master that nearly 1 in 10 Americans once had one collecting dust in the garage. The Thigh Master was supposed to burn calories and tone your thighs. Unfortunately you can’t target one area of your body for calorie burn and the Thigh Master didn’t give you the body of a young Suzanne Somers.
14. Ab Vibration Belts
Vibration belts are still being advertised at 3:00 am because people are still looking for a quick fix like laying on the beach wearing a vibration belt that is supposed to tone your abs. They don’t work and the FTC has repeatedly fined companies for claiming electronic muscle stim can burn calories or grow muscle.
13. The Hawaii Chair
You should be suspicious of any workout that consists of sitting in a chair, but the Hawaii Chair goes one better, by promising to take “the work out of your workout.” The motorized chair swivels in a hula motion while you work, but it won’t give you anything but motion sickness.
12. Six Second Ab Machine
The Six Second Ab Machine is for people who thought eight minutes was taking too long. The cheap piece of plastic attaches to your body like a crab and then breaks.
11. Velform Sauna Belt
Since people just can’t let go of the idea of literally melting off the pounds, the Velform Sauna Belt came along to sucker people out of a few more dollars. The belt is essentially a piece of rubber that makes your stomach sweat.
10. The Bodyblade
This thin blade is supposed to do everything for you – help you lose weight, tone your muscles, improve your balance – you name it, the flimsy plastic blade will help you do it. Just flap your arms like a bird!
9. The Rack
The Rack is named for a medieval torture device so it appeals to those who think they’re tough but want a gimmick. Guys are supposed to use the contraption to do squats, push-ups and dips. The plastic contraption is another waste of your money.
8. The Treadmill Bike
The man who invented the Treadmill Bike was working out at home on his treadmill when he realized he would rather be outside. Rather than taking a walk or a run or a ride, he invented a gadget that let him walk on a treadmill outside. It runs on electrical power and sways somehow when you walk… whatever, why not just go for a run?!?
7. Body Toning Garments
The new hot trend in exercise is toning garments. These are clothes that are supposed to give you added resistance, more support and help aid in the post-workout recovery process. What’s important to know is that no studies back up claims that these have any benefit.
6. Red Exerciser
Remember what we said about not exercising in a chair? The inventor of the Red Exerciser thought that a stool would suffice. But not just any stool – a red one with a cushioned seat that claims to tone your abs.
5. The Ab Lounger
So the Ab Lounger seems like another Saturday Night Live sketch. Just lean back on this flimsy lawn chair, move back and forth a few times and call it a day.
4. Gliding Discs
The principle behind Gliding Discs is to provide the same kind of resistance one would get from a sliding board at the gym. It’s not like using two pieces of slick plastic on the carpet and stepping on them while you slide across the floor could possibly be dangerous or anything.
3. Fitness Quest Leg Magic Ultra
This leg contraption is for all the times you thought “I could go to the gym but I’d rather stand upright on an exercise contraption that sounds like a fourth-rate science fiction role playing game.”
2. Knife and Fork Lift
The idea of the Knife and Fork Lift is a simple one: diets are hard to follow, so make eating harder by creating heavy utensils. If you think that works, you could also get weighted filings to make each bite that much tougher to chew.
1. The Shake Weight
The Shake Weight claims to do the impossible: give you killer abs, arms, chest and shoulders just by shaking a weight for several minutes a day. If springloaded 2.5 lb weights could do all that, would anyone still lift dumbbells? It had a great moment when parodied on South Park.