Sure, we’ve all sported the odd terrible hairstyle over the years. Your personal tastes change, trends come and go, and hairdressers will always try to talk you into doing something “different”. However, these once-popular hairstyles may send you hurling down memory lane… and we don’t mean in a good way.
1. The Mullet
Sure, they said it was “business in the front, and a party in the back”, but these days, sporting a Billy Ray Cyrus Mullet will likely get you disinvited to both the board meeting and the party.
2. The Rat Tail
Never before has one hairstyle inspired so any people to carry around a pair of scissors. We have no idea whose idea it was to create a skinny little rat tail braid sticking out the back of an otherwise perfectly serviceable hairstyle. All we know is the urge to snip it off is strong, and resistance is futile.
3. The Comb-Over
While we aren’t sure you could exactly call the comb-over a “trend” (more of an act of desperation perhaps), one thing is for sure; we have yet to see a single comb-over whose owner wouldn’t look better without it. Men of the universe, it’s time to embrace your inner Captain Picard and ditch the comb-overs!
4. The Quiff
Sure, it makes a statement. Yes, we know it looks really striking in a fashion editorial. But the quiff requires some pretty specific products and weather conditions to remain in the upright and locked position – something that is just not compatible with real life. One false move and you’ll end up looking like you’ve got a snoozing marmot draped over your head (see No. 3, “The Comb-Over”).
5. The Man Bun
You probably passed about seven or eight of these this morning on your way to pick up your morning cup of free-trade coffee and organic, non-GMO, gluten-free blueberry muffin. The man bun. We are so over it. So. Over. It.
6. 80’s Mall Hair
Whether you called it “mall bangs”, a “rooster comb”, or just went with the plain and simple description “great big hair”, the 80s trend of spraying, perming, and curling our locks into stratospheric heights left a lot of us with a decade worth of photographs that we refuse to let out of the blast-proof lock box that we’ve buried in an undisclosed location.
7. The Zebra Effect
Hey, we’re all for experimenting with color, but when your hair starts to resemble the bar code on the box of hair dye, perhaps it’s time to dial it back a notch.
Another 80’s spectacular style that’s best left to the pages of a fashion editorial. No matter how hard we tried, the look always ended up less of a fashion statement and more of a public service announcement for the promotion of the safe handling of electrical appliances.
9. The Flock of Seagulls
Every once in a while, a hairstyle comes along that is so bad… so very, very bad, that it actually is impossible to comment – there are no words. This is one such hairstyle. We can only gaze into its complexity and take a silent oath that nothing like this shall ever, ever happen again during the course of our lifetimes.
10. The Hair Metal Band
The Hair Metal Band speaks less to a particular hairstyle than it does to a hair lifestyle. The hair metal band was another trend born of the 80s, and required long and flowing locks, excessive volume, and yes, even the odd headband. This was purpose-built hair – it left a swath of glam-rock greatness in its wake, and can still be found in certain cultural pockets of the world. I know, right!?
11. The Rachel
Yes, we know that it was one of the most popular hairstyles of the 1990s, but we can’t help but feel like the bleached strands and overall massive volume of the popular Friends-inspired do looks a bit like you’re sporting a pair of quotation marks around your face.
12. Baby Bangs
Whether you call them bangs, fringe, or whatever else to describe them, ultra-short, above-the-eyebrow bangs are incredibly difficult to pull-off, and usually end up looking like you had an accident at the hairdressers. For some of us who chose this trend back in the late 80s and early 90s, that is exactly what happened. At least, that’s our story and we’re sticking to it.
13. The Knobby Bobblehead
Okay, we freely admit we made that name up just now, but there is no time, place, or function that we can think of there a series of tiny ponytail buns all over one’s head would ever be appropriate.
14. The Ill-Advised Dip Dye
Again, we don’t have anything against experimenting with color, but isn’t the endgame to create something that is flattering to the wearer? Harsh dip-dyed ends are a look that make us want to reach for the scissors and take matters into our own hands.
15. The Culturally-Appropriated Afro
Look, there are a lot people who can rock an Afro successfully, but in this day and age, if it doesn’t meld with your natural hair texture, walk away. Cultural appropriation is never a good look.
16. The Kate Goesslin
One part sleek bob, one part spikey pixie… the only thing that this hairstyle seems to be able to agree upon is that sometimes two rights can definitely make a wrong.
17. Faux Grey Hair
While naturally silver hair can be one of the most stunning hair colors out there, there just no substituting the depth and sheen of a naturally silver mane. Besides, we’re all going to get there eventually… why rush things?
18. The Man Half-Updo
Not unlike your experience with the Man Bun, you probably saw the Man Half-Updo about sixteen times after you left your husband with the kids and made your way to the Food Co-Op this morning to buy your loaf of small-batch, artisan-baked, non-GMO, sprouted-wheat bread. You’re not sure if you like the Man Half-Updo. Heck, if you’re female you’re not even sure you like your own half-updo, let alone his.
19. Extensions, Extensions, Extensions
Everyone woman may dream of a head full of long, thick, flowing hair, but for some, it is just not in the cards. Extensions have become a very popular trend over the past several years…and one that is very easy to get wrong. Thinking about getting some hair extensions? Let this photograph serve as a cautionary tale.
20. The Multi-Textured Look
Another throwback to the 90s, this hairstyle is pretty much the “greatest hits? Of 90s styling devices; a little crimping, a little braiding, some errant volume… all of these things, when employed at the same time for an event, resulted in… well… nothing good.
21. Too Blonde
While we’re on the subject of too much of a good thing, there is such a thing as too blonde. Generally, if you have to schedule a salon appointment that lasts days at a time, blonde is not your bag. Walk away.
22. The Slick and Spiky
We think that this was meant to be more of an androgynous look, yet we can’t see this working on anyone. Between the spiky pieces in back and sheer amount of product that had to have gone into the slick, gelled-down front, this style looks more like a environmental threat than an actual trend.
23. The Bowl Cut
This is a hairstyle that worked once; on one woman that was in one ice skating competition at one period in history. Once…that’s it. Any attempts at re-producing this cut are ill-advised, and will likely cause a degree of trauma later in life.
24. The Half Shave
As a look, we’ve seen worse, but all we can think about when faced with this edgy style is “man…that’s going to take a long time to grow out.” Not the first impression you really want to be leaving with your styling choices.
25. The Color Wheel Gone Wrong
A bold color choice is something that not everyone can pull off. In fact, we’d go so far as to say that this particular color choice is something that nobody can pull off unless they’ve taken up residence as a permanent character in a Dr. Seuss story.
Click "Next" and continue reading: